Naples- Birthplace of Pornography and Pizza

main square of Naples

Southern Italy- The City of Naples

On the narrow, busy Medieval streets of Naples, motorbikes and scooters frequently pass pedestrians with mere inches of clearance. Citizens are expected to walk in a straight line at all times or risk being smashed. Believe me, if you foolishly decide to suddenly veer more than 5 degrees in any direction, your most likely outcome is having an irate Italian motorist yelling at the foot of your hospital bed about the dent in his vehicle.
It's shocking at first, but something you'll have to quickly get used to or be neurologically damaged for life.

Video: a taste and feel of Naples, Italy

Naples Claims to Fame

Pizza- invented in Naples! Really it just amounts to bragging rights and acts as a touristic draw ("The birthplace of pizza, I've gotta have a slice there!")
And in fairness, the pizza is better here than I had elsewhere in Italy- Pizzeria Gino Sobrillo being the most famous and designated by the locals as "primo." A 40 minute line snakes around it all hours of the day.
A second item for which the Southern Italian city is famous- Neapolitan ice cream. The genius who arranged strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla in the same carton holding the same iconic status in Italian society as Ferrari, Lamborghini, and Mussolini.

Video: hustle and bustle n the streets of Naples

The following images were shot in the must see of Naples- the Museum of Archaeology taken from the city of Pompeii. Don't worry, we'll get to ancient Italian porn in a moment ...

beautiful fresco from ancient Pompeii

Poseiden

It has been theorized that Pompeii was once built on the coast and was a fishing town, as evidenced below by the fresco depicting all the fish one could catch off the Italian Coast. Today the ruins lie over 2km from the sea. The thought is the eruption of Mount Vesuvius created a greater area of land as the volcanic sediment dried. 

all the fish you could catch off the coast in the times of Pompeii

a rare portrait from Pompeii-

what people actually looked like around the time of Christ

And, perhaps most famously, Naples, or rather her ancient sister city of Pompeii are also credited with the invention of pornography!

if you think these are ancient candles, guess again

Shocked? You're not the only one. Pompeii's treasure trove of pornography, (more classically known in scientific circles as a "porn stash") brought great shame to the Catholic Church as the current Pope was running on the slogan. "Make Italy great again," and discovering the lecherous ways and thoughts of the ancients didn't really align with the idea that, if only we could model the principles of the "wise men" of yesteryear, all the problems of modern society would be solved. 

Sound familiar? Trust me, Trump is not the only politician in the world attempting to gain favor with such regressive ideas. Be wary of people who pine for the past. The world, despite its problems, has never been a better place for humans to live. 

Especially problematic was the statue of the Roman God Pan having sex with a goat. It was a big let down for Pope Trump and decimating to his campaign. (which it turns out he ultimately won ... )

the Greek God Pan having sex with a goat

At first thoughts were to destroy the evidence, but the church found their plans thwarted by the Indiana Jones and Pervert Lobbies, so a compromise was reached to allow access to the porn stash art collection only to the cognoscenti, the most erudite of society known to be of the "highest moral character," or whomever was willing to pay enough to see such titillating images. 

When they saw the money flowing into church coffers someone suggested putting them on the Internet, but after several days of research, they realized the Internet had not yet been invented. 

Nevertheless, I am fulfilling the dreams of these ancient pornographers, making such images available on the interweb for the first time ever.  

what I notice most prominently are the cheering, amazing
posture of the figurines. 

everyone appreciates boobs

taken from a brothel

original Viagra ad

likely taken from a Pompeii brothel
point to the position you want

Naples- the birthplace of porn. Hope you enjoyed :) 

A Fact Free History of Pompeii + Modern Day Tour

Pompeii from outside

As a noted historian, I was recently asked to give a guest lecture at an Ivy League school which, for reasons of confidentiality, will remain nameless, about the history of Pompeii. Caring dearly about my readers, and even more so reducing my work load, here is a transcript of my talk at Harvard University:

remnants of Pompeii- thought to be a bakery

"Standard sunny summer Southern Italian day in the year 79 AD, and you're walking around drinking from an aqueduct which brings you water via a lead pipe, when, with all that toxicity affecting your brain, it suddenly dons on you, that, in fact, Italy has not yet been invented!

ruins of Pompeii

Tragically, before you can share your epiphany with anyone Mount Vesuvius erupts and buries you under tons of scalding volcanic ash, which, frankly, serves you right."

(murmur from the crowd as I adjust my papers and glasses which have fallen down the bridge of my nose)

"So 25 meters (80 feet) of volcanic ash buries Pompeii, kills you, your family, and everyone you know. Of course The Huffington Post which doesn't believe in personal responsibility will tell you that Ash is the victim as he was birthed to a volatile and fiery family.
But now, Ash Vesuvius has an attack of conscience over his mass murder (HuffPo: "No Ash! Volcanic society made you this way!)  and decides to to physically protect what little remains of Pompeii.
Ash wraps protective arms around the city preserving what he didn't destroy by keeping the ruins free from air and moisture, which turned out to be a pretty stupid move, a guilty killer preserving the evidence of his crime, because a millenia and a half later, it was pretty easy for detectives (archaeologists) to know whom exactly was responsible for the destruction of the ancient Roman city.
Today Ash has largely been cleared, and as punishment, ends up in toothpaste at the dentist's office, hence the origin of the aphorism, "ashes to ashes."

Pompeii courtyard- statues added and worn down for effect by the Italian board of tourism

----------------------
So, despite its sordid history, Pompeii is still a great place to tour, and that honestly, while not a fan of Ash's original actions, I was a huge fan of his caring and preserving heart. Enjoy the below videos and photos below of remnants of the ancient city.

original frescos of Pompeii still preserved today! 

One of the genius archaeologists noted that some of the blocks of ash excavated seemed hollow, both by sound and weight, so he decided to test his hypothesis by injected them with liquid plaster, and thus discovered shapes of bodies which, though had long ago disintegrated, the ash had already hardened around the shapes of their bodies.

Video: the exact position where a poor Pompeiin perished, trying to protect himself from the molten ash

boobs! Right? guys are expert spotters!

Pompeii stadium seating- original amphi-theater

Another incredible place to visit was a Pompeii brothel, which had a stone erection carved into the wall to denote the establishment. 

look in the center above the small window and see the marker of a Pompeii brothel

no language barrier: just point to your desired sexual position

Inside the brothel you'll find a stone bed, upon which a very thin mattress was placed. This was designed to insure the customer (usually named John) cleared out quickly to let new ones in. If you didn't speak the language, no problem, just point to artwork on the wall for your preferred sexual position.

Video: inside a Pompeii brothel- pretty cool, though the service was lacking

reproduction of a million piece fresco found in Pompeii's wealthiest home.
Original in Naple's museum

the central square of Pompeii- with the criminal Vesuvius in the background

original decorations still on the walls- was very cool!

On the whole I would say that if you're around Southern Italy/ near the Amalfi Coast, Pompeii is a must see. Oh, and as described above, no need to worry about the language barrier.

an ancient drinking fountain