Surfing in the English Garden- Hanging 10 in Munich, Germany

I genuinely believe if you polled a thousand tourists of sights they'd witness in the landlocked southern German city of Munich, the resurrection of Hitler would, from a perceived statistical likelihood, be deemed 1000 times likelier than "surfing."
"I guess maybe if you had DNA and some crazy Google computer, but surrfffinng?"

That's why y'all shouldn't gamble! Betting on Hitler's resurrection, really?? Lo and behold, in the English Garden, due to a fast moving current of the local river and some water hazards placed below the surface by some intrepid (defined as "stupid") souls, two areas have been created where German "surfers" are able to ply their craft.


There they are lined-up, waiting for their turn to practice. Given that Munich might be the greatest distance from a coast in Europe, it's an affront to German efficiency and practicality, but I admire the fact they have dreams, and are willing to go against convention.


Here is the second location where surfers do their best to Hang 10.


If you would have told me before I saw it with my own eyes that I'd witness people surfing in the middle of Munich without some indoor wave pool, I'd have tried to sell the Brooklyn Bridge or referred you to some cult for ultra-gullible people (UFO's, Christianity, etc.) but now that I've been proven 100% wrong, yes, I do see Jesus in the spaceship ready to take us away to heaven.

Video: surfing in Munich, Germany

A Taste, Look, and Feel of Munich Germany

Efficiency!! Punctuality!! Accountability!!
Minus the exclamation marks, which are remnants of World War II era style speech, these German stereotypes are positively accurate; from the train, to the metro, to meetings, everything operates with clockwork like precision. In Germany, if you're not early, you're late. I wish Los Angelinos would adopt this attitude.

I wait in a restaurant for my my long lost friend Marcus who I haven't seen in years. He's German through and through- 6' 5", attentive, honest, considerate, and kind (Germans have evolved a lot since 1940's.) Naturally, he arrives exactly on time. "Sorry for being late," apologizes Marcus. 

Video: Vignettes of Munich- Karlsplatz, Marineplatz, and the English Garden

biergarten in the English Garden

Many have flocked to the English Garden, Munich's equivalent of Central Park, to take advantage of the a warm and sunny day on hand- a rare treat. They picnic, play soccer, toss frisbees, jog, ride bikes, etc. Those relaxing in the biergartens, spaced strategically throughout the wooded grounds and large fields, sip on a variety of drinks (all named "beer.")
By law, people are allowed to bring their own food to the biergartens, intentionally designed to insure poor people can participate in the social order, with a secondary positive externality of keeping Germans far less obese than they would be if they purchased the ultra-heavy Bavarian food sold here. It's debatable which is more filling, a meal of wienerschnitzel, potatoes, beer, and comically large pretzel bread, or a Panzer division tank broken into a teaspoons of powdered metal. 

Video: super dense Bavarian food in Munich

Germans, like most of Northern Europeans, are heavily invested in the social order. "Obey the rules at all costs," is the country's official motto. Just because you can take advantage, doesn't mean you do.
While creating an inherent trust and helping society run more smoothly, to an American the rigidity of it appears downright stupid- my dear aforementioned Marcus being a perfect example ... he refuses to save time by crossing a street on a red light even if the nearest car is coming from Austria. 

I'm agitatedly stomping my feet like a race car revving its engine, "The light is red," he explains flatly, "That means you do not cross."

Video: crossing the street in Stockholm about the same as in Munich by the thinking of the people

BMW headquarters, Munich

Walking in the English Garden and seeing the bottles strewn about on the grass would seem to contradict my earlier point. "Not so," explains Marcus, "we leave them there intentionally so that poor people can recycle them and collect the deposit." Even if it was "litter," Munich would still be far cleaner than the average global city. 

Riding the mountain bike Marcus kindly loans me, I pass the EU headquarters of many prominent companies, from Google to BMW. It's not surprising, Munich is after-all the most desirable location in Germany, which in turn is the economic engine of Europe.

Marineplatz in Munich

In the city center the impressive, somewhat scary fairy tale architecture of Munich's medieval structures, draw throngs of tourists, which, combined with the aforementioned money flowing through the city, make fertile soil for the luxury branded shops which have sprung-up nearby. Buy the display watch from the Rolex store nearby for a cool 77,000 Euro.

The Rolex display in Munich

Poseiden @ Nymphenburg Palace

At the one the city's edges lies Nymphenburg Castle, her gardens filled with fountains, statues, manicured lawns, and many acres of woods. The area is beautiful and relaxing. 

Video: Nymphenburg Castle's grand gardens

As I sit enjoying the gardens, I look at my phone and realize I'm supposed to meet Marcus and his wife for dinner in two hours. Fortunately, Munich is not a large, and within a hour you can pretty much bike across it. Nevertheless, I jump back on my bike and take off immediately. As gracious a host as Marcus is, I'd hate to be rude and arrive merely on time.

in the gardens of Nymphenburg Palace

Surviving a Terror Attack in Munich, Germany

"Marcus, did you hear, there was just a mass shooting here in Munich, not far from here."
"Yes, I just got the news alert on my phone," he answers calmly.
It's my last night in Munich, and I've offered to take my gracious host and his lovely wife Sissi to dinner. She's trying her best to project an air of calm.
"Should we go?"
"Yes," replies Marcus, buttoning his shirt, "almost ready."
I smile reassuringly at Sissi as we walk out the door. Our walk to the restaurant is fairly casually. Marcus proudly announces his name when asked if we have a reservation.
The interior is elegant and darker than normal in a calming manner. Outside we can see the many trees of the English Garden. We decide to take a table on the patio, where we sit looking over the menu for several minutes. A waiter approaches and politely, but urgently asks us if we could move inside.
"Has something happened?" asks Marcus.
"There has been a second attack and we need to take precautions. We ask everyone to dine inside as we're locking all the doors," explains the waiter.
"I guess they will happen all over the city," Marcus states flatly as we follow the waiter, "looks like a coordinated attack."

Sissi seems flustered. The reputation of Germanic stiffness and stoicism however holds true: Sissi is Austrian.
I too feel a heightened sense of energy, undoubtably the added adrenaline flowing through my body from the perceived threat. Wanting to be prepared I gaze at the layout the establishment and hatch an escape plan.
"If someone comes in guns blazing, we go through the window there, and race into the forest," I announce.
But honestly, the debate is not what to do if, it's whether to stay in this public location.
"Is it safe to go home?" asks Sissi.
"Probably not right now," answers Marcus.
"I want to go somewhere safer," she says shaking a little. We head inside the kitchen to the surprise of the staff. We stand there discussing the situation for at least ten minutes.

Sissi, me, Marcus

Sissi: "It's unsafe out there."
Marcus: "Perhaps so."
Sissi: "Maybe we should go home."
Me: "Sissi, it's natural to be scared. I'm not going to tell you I don't feel something right now--"
Sissi: "-- They're all over the city. Maybe we should just stay here in the kitchen."
Marcus: "Look, we can step out into the road, walk briskly, and in 5 minutes we'll be home. We lock the doors, and stay in until the authorities give the all clear."

This is a man who survived a three week coma due to organ failure, who had doctors tell his wife he had a 2% chance of making it through the night, who had his toes cut-off as the unnamed intelligence within simply didn't distribute oxygen and blood to these extremities in order to keep the rest of the body barely functioning, and now must wear special shoes and orthotics to walk around, who took over two years, much of it in a wheel chair, of rehab which continues today, to make it back to the workforce. He's looked up close at the face of death, and overcome a great deal to get to the point of being functional again. He's by no means afraid, just trying to comfort and do whats best for his wife, who bravely and lovingly stuck with him during his "downtime." Their relationship is an inspiration.
Sissi nods in approval at the plan. I feel as though I must interject.
"Look, there's no doubt we'll make it home if we leave. The odds, even with multiple attacks around us of being hit right now are extremely low. But, if we succumb to our fears, then we are terrorized. Then those fuckheads in Daesh win."
It takes several minutes to convince Sissi, a process of pacing and leading the fear, before we emerge and re-enter the restaurant and place our dinner order with our good natured waitress.

And through our lengthy dinner, the topic barely arose. We just enjoyed ourselves, in the moment as much as possible. After a thoroughly enjoyable bottle of wine and meal, I paid the bill, and we walked home in a state of calm and peace.

thanks for giving Allah a break for the day assholes

It turns out that the report of the second attack was a false, and the first one turned out not to be immediately linked with Daesh; nice to give Allah a break for the day, right?
Even though it's natural to feel fear, disengaging from it momentarily as it churns through the mind makes for an excellent growth opportunity. Consciously examine why it is manifesting, whether it's rational, and then take action to confront it head-on if it's not. Whether that be skydiving, approaching a person you like, climbing sheer rock faces, or sitting through a dinner under the belief that your large city may be under terrorist attack.
Each time you take on one of these challenges/ fears you're exercising a muscle you can use for similar situations in the future. Suddenly things you would have been scared to try/take-on seem much more feasible. Embrace the fear, decide if it's rational, and adjust your actions accordingly.

Oh, and as we walked home, I realized that I was 110 Euros lighter in the pocket, so I guess it's not all rosy. Overcoming fear apparently does come at a price.

A Tour of former Nazi Germany + the Monuments of Berlin

I get off the S-Bahn and pass through Checkpoint Charlie into West Berlin.

The Recichstag Building

The streets are a history buff's dream, museums and historical landmarks abounding. Looking for someone to make sense of it all, I run across one of the best guides I've ever seen, an Englishman named Sam Noble (could a name be more British?) appropriately studying for his PhD in history.

Monument to those who tried to stand-up to Nazi rule

Sam is entertaining and knowledgeable, and it's clear he has his routine down. Despite the numerous laughs he provides anyone on his tour of Nazi Germany would describe it as "sobering," and I include present day Neo-Nazis in that statement as you'd have to deal with the reality that you lost motherfuckers!

Most of the monuments were created after the war to commemorate the fallen. The irregular squarish shaped tablets you see here honor the politicians who attempted to stand up to Hitler, all of whom were quickly murdered for raising a dissenting voice.

Soviet monumentto the fallen soldiers

Looming large is the Soviet Monument for the unknown soldier, with 2,500 Russian servicemen buried beneath and around the monument. It was erected in a former green area near the Reichstag, where Hitler had planned to build "Adolf Hitler Platz" after the war, an admirable plan to award himself the  prestige he deserved for plummeting the world into chaos and destroying Europe.
If you examine the statue of the soldier, the hand is as large as the head. Stalin, in his infinite compassion, had the sculptor executed.
No, just kidding, from reading Communist history we know Uncle Joe would never stoop to such a level; the hand's size symbolizes the powerful and mighty Soviet empire holding back fascism and the Nazis.

Video of the Soviet Monument to the unknown soldier

WWII Soviet tank

Not open to the public, we arrive at the remains of Hitler's bunker, the spot where he committed suicide. Sam points out the fact that almost all high ranking officers of the Nazi party, war mongers that they were, who sent in armies to be slaughtered for the glory of battle and holding a position, who destroyed and ended so many lives, cowardly took their own rather than face the public's wrath.
At the time of suicide, Sam relates how Hitler lacked the ability to slaughter his own dog. A man who unblinkingly sent millions to their death.

the holocaust memorial

Erected at a large cost to the public the Holocaust Monument sits on uneven ground, with rectangular blocks of different heights and widths. I'm not clear what the designer's purpose was besides maybe a creating a feeling of confusion, a place where it's hard to get your bearings, where nothing seems to make sense, perhaps representative of what the victims of the Holocaust went through.
Surprisingly, there is absolutely no graffiti here, Neo-Nazi or otherwise.
This is due to the fact that at great expense the German government had a chemical solution applied to each of the blocks to which paint and other substances could not adhere to.

remnants of the Berlin Wall

A scandal broke out when it was discovered that the company which supplied the solution (sorry) was a subsidiary of the same corporation which supplied the Nazis with the poisons used to gas concentration camp victims. After much public uproar, the company decided as a gesture of goodwill to refund the people of Germany the full cost of the chemical application.
My sincere hope is that the government employee knew of the connection beforehand, took a bribe from the Nazi company when he awarded them the contract, then, after the work was done, leaked the facts to the media, and lead the charge by the government to get the money back. Now that is German efficiency!

The monuments of Berlin- 1 minute video 

Treptower Park in East Berlin, Germany

The Spree River by Treptower Park

The S-Bahn circles the city's center, at last arriving at Treptower Park Station.
On one side of the street a massive open and green public space along the Spree River, extending further than eye can see. On the other the city and structures of Berlin.

I lug my heavy bag over my shoulder with its toasted wheel down the clean streets, making my way past bakeries, restaurants, bars, and apartment buildings.
Settling in for a moment, my hosts give me a quick account of their beloved city, describing it as far more diverse, and much less conservative than the rest of Germany.
The Treptower area is former East Berlin, and today quite trendy, a center for artists, hippies, and musicians.

Soviet war monument in Treptower

I head back to the park, a huge green space interwoven with hiking trails and bike paths criss-crossing through small vestiges of forests. Every tree in the park, and in all of Berlin, is assigned a number, and kept track of by the government.
Treptower is home to a huge and imposing Soviet war monument, constructed from material rightfully ripped out of former Nazi headquarters.

Exploring, I walk several kilometers through the woods and realize that I'm running out of bread crumbs to find my way back out. I come across a gingerbread/candy house. I'm pretty it's a project constructed by one of the Treptower's more avant-garde artists, but I elect to continue past.
I find my way to the street, stop at a restaurant and order a German beer and some schnitzel. I wouldn't call Berlin charming, but it is incredibly interesting. I finish my meal and consider dessert. Fortunately prices here are cheap enough I don't have to go back for the gingerbread.



For a spot in Germany you'd probably never go-- learn about Teufelsberg- the Devil’s Mountain

East Germany- Before and After the Berlin Wall Fell

Location: Treptower Park; Former East Berlin
My AirBnB hosts, Fritz and Anna, are a kind and thoughtful couple, hippy hipsters, who despite being slightly shy over their passable English, cheerfully answer my questions about their beloved city each morning over breakfast, which they've generously included in my stay.
Anna grew up in on the East German side of the Berlin Wall, a proverbial world away from the West. This morning she shares with me some of her memories.

Living in East Germany
As with all Communist countries, unless you came from the political elite, little opportunity existed. The government's primary goal was control, control, control.
Freedom of speech, of movement, and of choice, were almost non-existent.  If the Deutsche Democratic Republic (DDR) desired a more working class oriented society, even if you were an outstanding student from an educated family, it was nearly impossible for you to pursue your studies further.

Even children had to be careful of what they said. Always interested in environmental issues, Anna drafted a note to the politicians complaining that all the fish were lying upside down on the river's surface, poisoned by the chemicals dropped into the water by the local factory. When she presented her letter to her parents, she was told in no uncertain terms, "absolutely not!"
Imagine how stern and pointed the German must have been in the more rigid East.
Not only could she never send the report to the local officials, she was warned not to even breathe a word of it to anyone or there would be serious repercussions at home. And they not only meant for Anna; her parents rightfully feared being sent to prison.
That means this environmental disaster never took place. No one reported it, no one spoke of it, a blind eye was turned, and it certainly wouldn't appear in any Communistic history book. How will such a society fare compared to one in which freedom of speech is a protected right? Which is more likely to have an ever growing cancer causing cesspool? Not that we'd ever about it.

Elections
The incumbent government was re-elected with a staggering 100% of the vote each election!
You might think to yourself, "They must have been incredibly efficient, forthright, and managed the economy exceptionally well."
Maybe. Or perhaps it's that they were the only party on the ballot.
Yet despite political experts from both East and West predicting "landslide victories," and nearly "insurmountable odds" for the non-existent opposition party, voter participation was almost 100%. Constituents who thought their time would be better spent staying home on election day and watching the last vestiges of paint on their walls slowly disintegrate were soon visited by concerned government minders who asked ever politely, "What happened? ... It's okay, we brought the voting box to you."
"Still don't want to vote? ... I think your shack a bit more comfortable than an East German jail cell."

Consumer Goods
Limited, scarce, and of poor quality, perhaps with the exception of the pride of East German manufacturing, the famed "Trabant,"the DDR's answer to the VW Beetle.

the Trabant

So exceptional was the original engineering, the motivated engineers found "no need to change a thing." The first auto off the assembly line looked and performed nearly identically to cars when production was finally halted in 1989.
The Trabant had a two-stroke pollution spewing engine which maxed out at an earth-rumbling 18 horsepower. Although they cut corners on safety features such break-lights, turn signals, and sometimes part of the auto-floor, no one seemed to mind, considering the car was rarely operational.
But in a collective society, the Trabant was available to anybody. Yes, that's the benefit of Communism, the equality of it all. Just sign here ... and wait 15 years.

The Falling Wall
Anna, who was in her teens when the wall fell, describes the aftermath.
"No one could believe how rapidly change took place. Our mood quickly crescendoed, excitement mixed with fear of the unknown. The biggest and most immediate change were all the consumer goods that flooded into the stores. Never before had people in the Eastern Bloc countries seen so many choices.
Inefficient factories which had operated in East Germany were closed, for the first time ever in this Communist society, some people were out of work.
Many East Germans were ill equipped to work and hold jobs in the West. The German government found itself paying for the schooling of the people of East Germany."

Re-Unified Berlin- Today
The DDR is still in the process of being absorbed by the West, and Berlin still is not on equal footing as other German cities, a fact which manifests (a positive for visiting Berlin) in prices for food, rent, and wages being lower.
However, due to a concerted government effort, existing infrastructure, and economic support offered by West Germany, the Hangover of Communism suffered by the DDR has been far more mild than the other former Eastern Bloc countries.

Tumultuous change is the 20th century through-line of Berlin's history. From being built up by Hitler, then bombed into rubble during WWII, annexed by the Russians, to the fall of the Berlin Wall, the city's heart simply beats to a different rhythm than anywhere else. With all the culture, monuments, and history, Berlin is an absolute must see city, and if a taxi driver driving a Trabant offers you ride, by all means take it. You'll have a great story to tell your friends, especially as you propel the car forward with your feet through the non-existent floor, much like Fred Flinstone did back in the day. Except his car was technologically superior to the Trabant.