Amazing Peterhof Palace- Russian Versailles in St. Petersburg,

There are certain places you'll see that are so beautiful and impressive that you're better off letting them speak for themselves. Peterhof Palace, often called "Russian Versailles," not far from the city of St. Petersburg, is such a place.
Originally built by Peter the Great in the early 1700's, each succeeding czar kept adding onto the palatial complex, today full of fountains, canals, and gardens.
Ravaged by German troops during the Second World War, thanks to the work of military engineers and over 1,000 volunteers, most of the Peterhof 's major structures had been fully restored by 1947. Interestingly, many of the valuables were buried on the grounds of Peterhof, and remained hidden from the Nazis, and were unearthed after the War.
Below you'll find photos and videos of the vast palace, gardens, and fountains which make up Peterhof.

The statues of Peterhof

canal behind me, decent distance to palace 

paths through a forested garden

The beautiful grounds, fountains and castle of Peterhof

Galina, Alice and myself

beautiful ornaments at Peterhof 

here you'll find fountains that seem to detect motion, and soak those trying to get through them

A palatial view of the fountains and gardens of Peterhof

Music plays to a crescendo as the Peterhof fountains shut down for the day

twas a fun day

Learning Russian + Teaching English via WOOFS in St. Petersburg. Russia

Aliska is all saddled up and
ready to ride her horsey

Her doting and loving parents gaze upon their four year old Aliska with profound pride and love.  She's cute, confident, and quite mischievous, loving the opportunity to taunt and wind up the large playful dog who's paid her family a visit for the week,
I'll be sitting, minding my own business, and I'll feel a scratch on my arm or leg.
"Woof," the dog (probably a Labrador) softly acknowledges he's being harassed.
Aliska retreats for a moment, then sneaks up again, trying to incite her new friend to play "Woof! Woof! Woof!" cries out the poor dog. The large dog curls back into a ball on the floor, or goes back to eating from his dish, or continues chatting with his lovely hosts, leaving a gentle growl lingering in the air as a warning.
Once again, Aliska momentarily shies away, then attacks with more ferocity, tickling the dog mercilessly. "WOOF! WOOF! WOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFF!!!" responds the agitated pup while tickling Aliska to her great delight for upwards of 30 seconds, before slowly withdrawing, leaving the little girl with a huge smile etched across her face.
Wait two minutes ... repeat. The pup might growl, but he clearly has no bite.

We get along famously, but as our primary communication is in woofs and laughter, we invent a new a new game to teach other our respective languages. Sitting across from one another, I hold up various objects. "Appelsin," I'll announce in Russian as I roll the fruit to Aliska. "Orange," she'll state after a moments reminder, as she tosses it back to me. Repeat numerous times then switch to new items ranging from balls (myatch), to stuffed rabbits, to apples (yablacko for those scoring at home.)
I'm proud to be teaching Aliska a proper language.

here is Aliska's and Richie's language learning game

Believe it or not, I benefit as well.
Few Russians speak English, so my learnings came in handy when we went to the grocery store and an employee casually approached asking if he could help. "I don't speak Russ-- wait a second. Aplelsin! Appelsin!  Appelsin!!" I cry out excitedly pointing to the oranges attracting the attention of the entire store wondering what retard could get so excited over fruit. Even at the age of four, Aliska's face matches the shade of the nearby beets from all the extra attention I brought us. What a proud moment.
And finally, might I thank Aliska for being so awesome, playful, and even occasionally thoughtful and kind (a slippery slope for most 4 year olds.) I had so much fun with you, and I know there's an excellent chance my you've forgotten my English lessons, so let me express how much I miss you in the one way I'm certain you'll understand: "WOOF! WOOF! WOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFF!!!"


St. Peter, the horse dragging Aliska's carriage, then yours truly playing airplane with her. She demanded so many flights you'll excuse me for having got quite dizzy

In Search of the Mythical Soviet Unicorn- fun in St. Petersburg

Flags fly high above goverment building

Highlights from my last visit to Russia included getting ripped off purchasing a train ticket and my brother's fiancee being nearly kidnapped. I imagine such a tourist experience, not untypical.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I think Ruskies are inherently bad people, it's that their political systems and leaders have stifled basic freedoms, motivation, opportunity, and joy to the point that not only Russia, but all former Soviet Bloc countries suffer from what I call "The Hangover of Communism."
So when my dear friend St. Peter, whom St. Petersburg was named after (I looked up his claim, it's true) invited me to visit, he had his hands full in the persuasion department.
Shocked that I wouldn't succumb to a bribe (unheard of in his country,) Peter changed tactics as fluidly as Kasparov on a chess board. Playing upon my sensibilities as a dreamer, he promised me the chance of being the first Westerner to capture video evidence of the mythical Soviet Unicorn; otherwise known as a Smiling Russian.

St. Petersburg Airport
Frantically searching for my bag I finally locate it on the wrong carousel. I exit the terminal to find my gracious host wringing his hands, not because this prominent businessman wasted an hour of his valuable time, but rather because he feared my latest visit to his country would be greatly colored by this first event.

On the road we see a statue of Vladamir Lenin; I helpfully suggest we return after sundown to chop off the head. Peter pulls the car over.
Carefully and measuredly he explains, "Now Richie, you've teased me mercilessly the last few years for my choice of birth country, and a lot of what you say might be true, but it's polarizing and unhelpful. Russia has far far more than what you're focusing on. Please, please Richie, try to have an open mind."
He then shoves me out of the car at gunpoint and forces me to eat the proverbial Russian "apple of knowledge." Event shown in below video.

Eating the Russian Apple of Knowledge- penance for my anti-Ruskie views

The Truth

family portrait: St. Peter, Mischievous Aliska, Super Saint Olya, yours truly

I'm reunited with Peter's family, his wife Olya, and his confident and fun loving four year old daughter Aliska. They are warm, caring, kind, and fortunately for me, as promised, St. Peter is determined to show me the best of what Russia has to offer.
While there is traffic here as in any metropolis, we enjoy the ride teasing each other and playing games as a family on the way (yes, I felt like a member)
We enjoy our time at the local amusement park, go-cart racing, indoor sky-diving, and visiting Petrhof Palace. In the evening it's dinners, chats, and runs around the neighborhood. I can't deny it  ... "I had a great time."  (there, I said it Pete, willingly. I had a great time in St. Petersburg. Happy?)

check out the catapult ride Peter, myself, and friends went on and our reactions

Dancing in the amusement park to MC Hammer with the kids

at the Go-Cart track

along the canal

To boot, Peter's friends were generally warm and happy. They're also rather well to do, and I believe there is a strong correlation between these two facts as most Russians slave away for little reward financially or otherwise. In Putin's Russia, wealth is concentrated at the top, generally amongst those with political connections.
That said, to merely call the journey a "success" is an understatement, as, though exceedingly rare, I can confirm the existence of the Russian Unicorn, and I thank my host profusely for evidence this long hoped for scenario could in fact exist in reality. And though I can never again describe Russia as "hell," my dear St. Peter, it will be a long time before I describe the city gates you've so graciously held open for me as "pearly."
But being with your family was a little slice of heaven.   

St. Peter, Olya, and Rich ready to hit the air tunnel 

Real Estate in St. Petersburg, Russia MKElite- great serviceI

I step into the offices of MK Elite, probably the leading real estate firm for St. Petersburg high-end properties. As an American considering staying for some time in this beautiful city, I really want to find a place pretty quickly.
I know the owner Peter Voychinsky from a previous visit to this fair city. As he used to live in both Miami and Los Angeles, his English is excellent, which I'm incredibly grateful for, as it's not always easy for me to communicate in Russian considering the only words I know are "spaciva" and the word for "orange." ("apple-scene" as I pronounce it)

MK Elite listing

The office is neat and organized as Peter introduces me to his staff, a surprisingly friendly bunch who are celebrating a comrade's birthday. They offer me a glass of champagne, and ask me questions about America. With a touch of alcohol, there is laughter.
Now it's time to get down to business. Peter takes me into his office bringing one of his senior associates with him. They help determine my price range and tastes, along with where I'll need to travel while I'm in the city, which is great, as their local expertise which will save me TIME, which will be in short supply coming up. We discuss some of the possibilities, and having seen some of the places, Peter's associate weighs in. Her experience means I won't have to see all the places on the list, again saving me time, but where I'll be taken, she's pretty certain I'll enjoy.
She's correct, I really like four of the five places I see (the other was okay) and I found her to be personable, and spoke English pretty well.
All I can tell you is that I  felt well served, so if you're in the market for St. Petersburg real estate, and want to see what they have to offer- here is the contact info for MK Elite.

MK Elite Website- St. Petersburg Botique Real Estate

Phones:
+7 (812) 777-12-20 - Saint-Petersburg+7 (495) 212-06-17 - Moscow

Address:
Санкт-Петербург, Наб. реки Фонтанки, 13 БЦ «Оскар»

Disclosure: I am not getting paid a cent. for this recommendation. It was not asked to write this, nor did the firm have any idea I was going to do so. It's merely my reward to them for their friendliness  (rare in Russia) and their excellent service.

St. Petersburg, Russia- the Hermitage + Pros and cons of visiting

St. Petersburg

There was a very nice woman who looked out for me on the train, (she must not have been born Russian) and with her help, I arrived safely in St. Petersburg, where I was picked up by a friend of a friend, St. Peter.

True fact: During Communist rule, the city was called Leningrad, after the Reds fell, they renamed it after my new friend. Or so he claims.

St. Pete doesn’t let his fame and power go to his head. He is really down to earth, honest guy who makes a great host. He works at a major real estate company, whose “for sale” signs adorn every major building in the center of town. I have memorized their phone number, because Pete points to every single one of his sale signs. He’s a proud boy.

St. Petersburg sits on the Finland Bay and the city is known as the Northern Venice, as various rivers and canals cut through the city. Also, the sun sets at midnight here which means that I have no sense of what time it is. Businesses close down while it’s still light out, and the streets are deserted at what seems like noon.

After chatting over food, it was either 11:30 at night, or noon if you’re looking at the sun. St. Peter drives me to what was advertised on the Internet as a 4 star hotel, which I was getting for the bargain price of $90 a night. The lobby was okay, the elevator itself a bit dodgier, and I opened my room door and the only thought that went through my head was “Am I in prison?”
If you told me this was a jail cell, I’d believe you. I literally cannot lay down width wise because it is less than 6 feet across. The shower gives me at best water 3 degrees above freezing, and in order to bathe, and the water pressure and unchangeable angle of the shower-head forces me to lean in at a 60 degree angle for any water to hit my skin.

This used to be the home of the Czar and his posse, so most buildings in the center of town are quite exquisitely designed in a 19th century sort of way.

Of course, I made my  obligatory visits to the Cathedrals, as well as paying to get into a Russian navy exhibit where I understood absolutely zero. Not a word of English, Spanish, or Italian. (probably a good way to keep 19th century Maritime secrets seeing as I’m a spy)

Then there's the Hermitage, the former  palace of the Czar, now a first rate Museum.

Rich + St. Pete in front of the Hermitage. Pic taken 10:30 PM

Tickets have two prices- one for Russian nationals, and one for tourists. Pete instructed me to walk in and say, “Priviet” (meaning hello,) in a harsh, authoritarian tone (so I might be mistaken for Russian) and if the worker asked me anything , to raise my left arm up and drop it rapidly while making a harsh, unfriendly guttural tone as if to say, “Leave me alone woman, I just might be a crazy Russian”
So I walk to the ticket counter. “Priviett,” I scowl, placing down 100 rubles (the Russian price) on the counter.
She looks up at me, “350” she states.
I raise my arm up and drop it in disgust, “leave me alone woman, I’m a crazy Russian.”
She looks at me blankly, “350,” she expresses to me in an un-amused tone.
“Ya Ruskie! Ya Ruskie!” I retort absolutely outraged.
She takes a beat, leans into the window ever so slightly, “350.”
We might have won the cold war, but the Russians won this battle. What a warrior, my hat’s off to her.
Inside I saw art ranging from ancient Egpyt, to Greek, to Roman, to Russian and Spanish. I have to say though, my favorite part of the museum was a section devoted to Russian school children. At least I think it was Russian kids …

Children’s art, or 18th century master? Rich couldn’t tell you. As he’s been told, Rich would be unlikely to succeed in a career as an art dealer.

I also a saw a statue of Marcus Aurelias and his son Lucius (both of whom were depicted in the movie Gladiator, leading me, as a trained historian, to conclude that the movie was not only based on historical events, but is rather an accurate account of what transpired (word for word as the producers took a time machine back to 100 AD!) Probably the simplest way to write a script. I'm envious.

statue of Marcus Aurelius

Still, there is only so much time I can look at art without getting a weensie bored, and so after a few hours, I departed the czar’s palace and headed out to find some new adventure.

St. Pete and Olga

Each night I was in St. Petersburg joined by Peter and his girlfriend Olga after they got off of work. I have to say, they were both very very nice people, and Olga snapped 90% of the photos that I took in St. Petersburg.

The last evening I spent there was the nicest. I frankly get tired of the city and it’s concrete, I need green. Pete and Olga took me to an island (many nearby islands in the Finland Bay) and we took a walk down a road lined by trees in all direction. It was very close to being in a Russian national forest, and I’d imagine this is as pretty as Russia gets. (not exactly Thailand or Fiji)

We had a great time running around, throwing a tin foil ball back and forth and at each other. We also happened upon a miniature zoo, where we saw, in the middle of Northern Russia, and I swear I am not making this up, an ostrich.

(Russia's favorite native bird)

(Russian Fox- if this isn't the best picture of a fox ever taken (by Olga) I'd like to see what is)

On the whole, I probably allotted far too much time for Russia. Aside of St. Pete (the man) and Olga, there wasn’t much about Russia I liked. I think it has to be the most tourist unfriendly place I have been to outside of, let’s say, Northwestern Pakistan.

Nevertheless, as I deeply care about you guys, I have compiled an exhaustive list of travel tips and recommendations about Russia which are below.

Rich’s exhaustive list of travel tips for the USSR—skip it!

On the other hand, if you ever thought of moving to Russia, I have also carefully weighed in on the pros and cons of doing so--

Con: friendliness that make New Yorkers seem like Fijians,
massive corruption, the Russian Mob, Vanessa’s taxi driver and others like him, you’re automatically illiterate with the alien alphabet, bottles of Evian available for $7, bone chilling winters

Pro: The absence of black people gives you an excellent shot at making the Russian national basketball team.

That’s all for Mother Russia- up next—Prague!