The Lighter Side of Police Corruption in Bangkok, Thailand

My very pregnant friend, craving fruit in a way that only the pregnant can, managed to convince her husband to take her to market on the back of his motorbike. 

Somehow deciding that their sole helmet should be worn by the driver, the choice in judgement was heavily questioned by the policeman who pulled them over. 

Amenable and apologetic, they paid the fine of 300 baht directly to the policemen, as is the Thai custom.

Thai policeman

Continuing onwards, they realized upon arrival that they had no money left to spend. 

Lacking bank cards, instead of returning home, they went back the short distance to the policeman, nicely approached him, and asked if they could get a rebate on the bribe so that they could afford some fruit. 

He pulled 100 baht out of his pocket, and handed it to them with a smile. 

Even corrupt police are friendly in Thailand. 

 video: differences in police forces around the world

A Night of S+M in Patpong, Bangkok

look carefully if you can't guess the letter that goes before 'ussy'

Patpong, Bangkok
Our small group is lead through one of Bangkok's adult entertainment centers by a Kentucky accented, short, squat man, who seems to have been here ... numerous times.
Neon signs and skimpily clad women beckon us into nearly identical bars, in the center of each a stage where go-go dancers wearing heels which account for half their height, sway their hips with the meager hopes of being chosen from the throngs of sardines by some sharky foreigner.

Mostly they just stand there bored. 

For the mere gawkers, the bars are content merely to sell beer and female flirtation.

But our host, wants to take us to somewhere "special."
He weaves his way through the alleys for several minutes, finally rubbing his hands in glee as he recognizes the lantern outside, marking the establishment like some faraway inn from 18th century Britain on a foggy night.
Entrance fee paid, we ascend a steep staircase and enter into ... a dungeon.
Dingy and dark there's a bar in the corner, not far from it are two large wire metal bird cages. A fat Thai woman is getting whipped around her privates, as she holds onto the steel bars, fully opening up her body for punishment, the sweet Mozart concerto playing through the club creating a dizzying dichotomy.

the bathroom

A light glows in the shadows from atop the stomach of a girl who ... I hope is 18 ... a female of similar age rolls a block of ice over her nipples and body, then raises the candle, dripping melting hot wax over frozen skin. An audible moan and contortion of the body.
A short 60 year old man with a 20 something year old smoking hot blond from Los Angeles adds a strong flavor to the weirdness around me.
Around me, young girls alternate pouring hot wax over each others' naked bodies. One of them offers me the candle, I refuse, the idea of causing physical pain to a human being who's not a member of ISIS generating disgust inside me.The music becomes darker, Goth-like, as a fat white man steps naked into the bird cage, paying for the privilege of being whipped by the fat Thai woman.

As I exit, I see a new entrant choosing from a selection of whips on the wall, his young Thai dominatrix smiling as he finally makes his selection, leading him upstairs to his own private dungeon. He's depraved, but she's getting paid.
I'm all too happy to leave.

A Whole Lotta Bangkok- Why I Freaking Love Bangkok + So Should You

Paraphrasing AC/DC's 'Whole Lotta Rosie':
Wanna tell you story
About a city I know
When it comes to lovin'
She steals the show
She ain't exactly pretty
Ain't exactly small
Rats-gourmet-ho's-high rise-traffic
You could say she's got it all          
.
She ain't Exactly Pretty
Downtown high-rises often scrape the omni-present low lying rain clouds and haze.  

downtown Bangkok skyline

The interiors of the ritzy hotel chains are far more opulent than than their Western counterparts, a dramatic contrast to the slums and ramshackle housing that exist a few hundred meters away; the cheap labor of Asia facilitating both extremes.

inside the Marriott Hotel

On the sidewalks, vendors hawk their wares; a rainbow of tropical fruits- coconuts, mangoes, bananas deep-fried in front of you, to flowers, wallets, belts, clothes, art, to food stands with tasty Thai cuisine ... you could virtually live in the city without stepping foot into a store with a roof over it; many Thais pretty much do. 

A look at some of Bangkok's street stands

An absence of public trash cans abets the Thai tradition of littering. The small plastic bags given out with every purchase blow in the wind.
Rats stream fearlessly from the sewers, sifting for food amongst the debris lined streets, plentiful nutrition allowing them to grow large. Only someone who lives in a dump (or India) would describe Bangkok as clean.

Girls from less fortunate economic circumstances line the streets, offering their bodies in exchange for money.
"Mister, mister, I go with you," they call out, sometimes in a startlingly male voice still unaffected by the hormones they're taking. Ladyboys abound in the city more than any other on earth. Someone told me they spotted Caitlyn Jenner. It's plausible.

She Ain't Exactly Small
14 million people live within Bangkok and it's urban sprawl. Thais living on the cities outskirts often undergo long commutes to work.
Lights sometimes as long as 221 seconds pile traffic for miles, only the ubiquitous motorbikes of SE Asia weaving dangerously between the cars, trucks, and buses make it anywhere during rush hour.

A sample of Bangkok gridlock 

Cheap + Tasty Food 
Feel yourself losing electrolytes to the tropical climate? Refresh yourself with coconut water or fresh squeezed juices at any street corner. 
Hungry? During a recent journey to the state of the art shopping mall Terminal 21 in downtown Bangkok, I purchased 2 coconuts, a plate on with two Thai Entrees and rice, a cafe latte, and two scoops of Nestle ice-cream. What would that cost in the US/Europe? My friends all estimated between $20-$25.
What was the total in Bangkok? About $4.50. Yes, less than $5 for a total feast.

A sample of what you can buy at Terminal 21 for $1

The People
Though an upward moving face in "the land of 1,000 smiles" sometimes masks hostility or sadness,  it's uncommon to hear Thais raise their voices. (which you cannot say for the Chinese)
In general, I find the culture kind, open, and friendly. Perhaps I see the best side of Thais being a farang (foreigner) with money, but aside of the language barrier, I almost always enjoy my exchanges with them.

You Could Say She's Got it All
The city has an energy, a pace which I find invigorating. There is always something to do, something new to experience, from rooftop hotel pool parties, to art openings, dancing, or temples for meditation. It's still an Eastern city, but with a strong and tasty Western flavor. 

Differences Remain
In Los Angeles, little frustrates people more than being stuck in traffic. It doesn't matter if you're expecting delays when you leave the house, most Angelinos will still pound their dashboards in frustration when the elderly Asian female refuses to turn right despite a football field of daylight, leaving me ranting about how responsible and good drivers, such as myself, should be allowed to attach tactical nuclear weapons to their cars to facilitate a graceful resolution of just such a situation, leaving only a small mushroom cloud in my wake.
In Bangkok, where sadly they have an even greater percentage of elderly Asian female drivers (a byproduct of unfortunate geographic location) people honestly don't seem to care their lives are being sucked away by the gridlock. In Buddhist tradition, they're much more accepting of what is. They're in no hurry, whatsoever!

Let me give you an example of another way this outlook manifests:
In the West we rarely stand side-by-side on an escalator due to maniacs such as myself being willing to knock you down for having the temerity to slow our ascent. (if I'm able to restrain myself from deploying my hand held nuke first that is)
In Thailand, no matter how late you are, to keep the peaceful atmosphere you're going to have to wait for the escalator to slowly wind it's way up to the next floor. People who are together stand side by side without a thought or care in the world, not because they are rude or unthoughtful, but simply because the hurried paradigm of Western culture is so foreign in this land.
 

Diener Time- on a scooter in downtown BKK

I mentioned how cheap food is here. Everything is cheaper. You can have two Thai women give you an hour long massage for $15 (including a 20% tip) ... Massages are so cheap (and generally awesome) you can't afford not to get one!
Rent is cheaper (though climbing) and the price of having hired help, (a maid or driver for example) is ridiculously low.

Avoid rush hour by taking the SkyTrain or subway. Both are being expanded to service more areas of Bangkok. During off-peak traffic hours taxis cost a mere couple bucks to take you around town.
Yes, internet is not as fast or reliable here. Yes, the weather is hotter and muggier than Los Angeles, but overall the infrastructure and quality of life you can have here rivals that of any Western metropolis, but at a Far Far Far cheaper price.   
In the study of economics, the principle of "perfect markets" states that you will never find a $20 bill on the ground, because someone would have already picked it up.
Markets, however, aren't perfect, and Bangkok is that $20 bill. And what you can purchase for that here-- A Whole Lotta Bangkok.

Tips on Getting Around Bangkok

Tips on getting around Bangkok

Transportation
1. Do not take the limo to your hotel from the airport. Go up to the top floor of the Airport, walk outside, and take a metered taxi. You probably won't spend more than 250 baht (about $8) on a taxi, if you take the limo, you'll probably spend about $25.
The other option is the airport train, which takes you into the center of Bangkok, and is connected to the BTS line. If there is only one of you, this is a little cheaper than the cab and you're sure to avoid congestion, if there are two or more, you are likely better off taking a cab except during rush hour.

2. Take the BTS and subway everywhere- Far quicker than waiting in Bangkok's heavy traffic, and cheaper. At rush hour however, you will have be standing shoulder to shoulder on the trains. If you're in Bangkok for any number of days, make sure to invest in a card with pre-paid trips, so you don't have to spend your time plugging the machine for tickets every time.

3. If you plan to visit sites outside the city like the Tiger Temple, or the floating market, far better to rent a driver for the day than to go with a tour group. You'll avoid having to go to overpriced stores the tour company has deals with, and you'll get home more quickly. Bangkok rush hour traffic is miserable, and you don't want to wait while 10 other people are dropped off in front of you.

4. DO NOT accept a ride from a tuk-tuk driver for a price that's seems too good to be true. What he'll do instead of dropping you at your destination, is take to some tailor where you'll feel pressured to buy something. Just not worth the "savings."

5. If you do take a taxi within the city limits make sure to take a metered one.

Money exchange
I only have one recommendation for this, go to the Vasu Exchange, by the BTS Nana station between Soi 7, and Soi 11. Exchanging money there is nearly commission free. Where the exchange rate at the Airport might be 29.5, at the Vasu Exchange it will be 31.2 (Thai Baht to U.S. Dollar) I have looked at over 100 exchanges, and nothing else comes close.
Or if you don't want to use currency you brought, use the ATM (which would cost a fee of course from your bank and the corresponding ATM's bank.

Shoppping
Bangkok consists of high end malls, like the Siam Paragon Mall, with amazing architecture, name brand stores, and a state of the art movie theater, as well as merchants hawking their wares on the street. Prices here are typically much better than in the West, but make sure to keep your wits about you.
The good news is, in Bangkok if you get ripped off it is generally for small amounts of money, a couple of dollars here, a couple of dollars there, but beware of people trying to sell you second tier quality for first tier prices.
Overall though, the shopping experience in Bangkok is a lot of fun, and you can find excellent gifts to bring back home that are not readily available in the West.

Where to Stay
So many places choose from, my recommendation is to go on and go agoda.com and read the reviews. Most places come as advertised, and you can find a wonderful hotel for $60 a night. Two such hotels are the Metropolitan, although the location is more catered to the business consumer and a tad more pricey than others, and Dream Hotel on Soi 15, which has a far superior location.
Many hotels (including The Dream Hotel) will give you a 10% discount if you just show up and pay in cash.

Food
You will find excellent food in Bangkok. Everything from Indian, to Western, and of course Thai cuisine is available generally at bargain prices.  An excellent place to eat is the food court at the Siam Paragon Mall, where you will get a vast plethora of choices, most of which of are generally healthy, and be you'll be hard pressed to spend $7. 
Also, the MBK food-court is another excellent choice.
When I am in Bangkok I generally subsist on coconuts, mangoes, and jack fruit, which can be easily purchased on the street. You can also get tasty cooked, sit down food directly from street vendors, both cheap and tasty. You will not go hungry here, that much I promise!

Overall Bangkok is a very vibrant city, with a lot to offer, and it doesn't take a lot of money to have fun. If you have any thoughts, comments, or added suggestions please feel free to leave them in the comment section below.

Top Things to do/ experience in the City of Bangkok

The best things to do in Bangkok--
1) Clubbing-- Other clubs well worth a visit, all located in the same area as Bed Supper, are Q-Bar, and Levels (across the street.)
A great and popular place top meet friends for drinks is Hemingways across the street from Terminal 21 Mall.
Bed Supper Club at one time topped the list but has since closed.

Bed Supper Club- interior

2) Get a Massage-- somebody wants $60 an hour back home to give you a nice massage, come to Bangkok when you get an hour-long the massage at a high end spa, for $15. You can get an excellent foot massage depending on your location for as little as $4 for an hour.

If you're looking for an excellent high end spa, with well trained masseuss's, then I would recommend Lavana Spa on Soi 12 I believe.

3) Go to the Siam Paragon Mall-- I'm not much for shopping, but you could live in this mall. A state of the art movie theater, a good gym, excellent and artistic coffee shops with Wifi, a fantastic food court where you would be hard pressed to spend $7 on an excellent meal, and any name brand store you could mention, plus an aquarium downstairs where you can swim with ten foot sharks. I'm not making any of this up.
Also Terminal 21 mall.

4) get tailored clothes made-- Bangkok is filled with excellent tailors, however buyer beware, if the deal appears too good to be true, it probably is. You can, however, get wonderfully tailored clothing specially fitted for whatever size you are, for prices cheaper than any department store back home.

Recommended Tailor-- Jackies, on Suhkumvit right next to the Vasu Exchange, by the BTS Nana Station. I feel that both these places are honest, and although their prices are not the cheapest, you will get excellent quality.

5) go shopping at the night market-- numerous vendors hawking their wares, everything from incense, to cotton T-shirts counterfeiting high end brands, to luggage. Make sure to do your best to negotiate, as their first quote is nowhere close to the price they will sell the item for. The night market, for the record, is also available during the day.

6) take a tour of the red light districts- Soi Cowboy and Patpong. I'm not saying it's pretty, but if you haven't seen such places, they are certainly worth going to, if for no other reason than they show you what else exists in the world, and offer you a glimpse of a new reality.

Have something you think I missed about Bangkok? Leave it in the comment section below! 

One Night in Bangkok

Bangkok’s Premier Night Club- the Q Bar

Walk down Soi 11 and you’ll find two of the premiere clubs in Bangkok. The trendy clubs where passports are needed to gain entry.
The Q Bar, just around the corner, which tonight has contracted DJ Marky from Sao Paolo, Brazil to play their venue. It’s 800 baht ($26) to get in, not cheap by any standards, much less Bangkok. The deal does however include two drinks which takes some of sting out of the price. “DJ Marky costs,” the manager tells me, “We’ve got to pay for him.”

Upstairs at the trendy Q bar in Bangkok

Looking around, there’s no surprise, the majority of gents here are foreign, with a smattering of their European girlfriends, the rest are Thai women. Some are here just to party and have a great time, some are here looking for work; the talent is pretty choice.

I get on the dance floor and just express, having fun. A half hour later, DJ Marky steps behind the turn-table and starts spinning. I have little idea what qualifies a DJ as outstanding, but I have the feeling he’s pretty damn good, and the reaction of the crowd jumping up and down backs this assertion. I groove to the sounds he’s creating, and as I watch his perfectly timed actions, begin to understand the skill and amount of practice it must take to excel in his profession.

DJ Marky- from Sao Paolo, Brazil in Bangkok

The Night Begins

At 2 AM Q Bar shuts down according to the law. I’ve ignored all the working girls, as well as a few that might have not been who gave me the thumbs up sign, and begin walking home. I pass by Levels and watching the trendily dressed foreigners and Bangkok elite exit. I look up and make eye contact with a Super Hottie standing on the balcony above. She’s dressed in white pumps and a light green mini-skirt, cut low enough to show her beautiful natural breasts. She has to be amongst the best looking girls I’ve seen in Bangkok.

“Hey cutie, are you the right guy for me?” she calls out.

I have to see where this leads. “Maybe,” I reply.

She walks down the ramp, and attaches herself to my arm.

“We’re going to go get something to eat, you come with us.”

“Who’s we?”

“Me, and my friends.”

She points, I glance over and see two other girls dressed to the nines with two older guys, in their late forties, maybe fifties. I’m in the mood for adventure, and agree.

Apparently my girl had been harassed by a couple guys earlier in the evening. “I’m leaving with my boyfriend,” she states, her arm wrapped around me, almost taunting them. Both the guys are huge, what have I gotten myself into?

As if on queue a valet pulls up in a new Mercedes. The German guy jumps behind the wheel, accompanied by his woman riding shotgun. There’s not enough room for four in the back, so Super Hottie sits in my lap. Beside her is her friend, and then a bald headed muscular American, (especially for being 50) who just won’t shut-up.

“I’ve been cast in a Viking movie shooting here in Bangkok,” he tells me. He’s been cast as the “King.”

“I did a reading for a smaller part, and the director told me, ‘You’re not getting this part, I have a much bigger part for you.' ”
I had no idea I had taken a plane home to Los Angeles.
“Great,” I respond.

Next he starts talking about real estate, and how much land he has bought and sold, how easy it is to make money in the profession. Meanwhile Super Hottie is grinding into my lap, teasing me, doing her “best” to keep my attention, which veers to her, angering the King.

His voice raises in anger. “I don’t get it, you have the opportunity to learn from a guy who’s made multi-millions in real estate, and you’re paying attention to everything else.”

“There are some distractions here man,” I state, thankful that there’s another girl acting as a buffer between us.

“That’s bullshit!” yells the King violently, “That’s just perennial background noise you’re letting distract you.”

I look around, the girls are seemingly too drunk to be fazed by his outburst. I look around, we’re in a major traffic jam at 2:30 AM, highly unusual, but I still have no idea where we are in the city. I’d just jump out and find a cab, if not for Super Hottie ...

Next the King starts talking about his former career as an elite special forces officer in the military, continuing by telling me that China is absolutely inferior militarily to the U.S., that their equipment is shoddy. “What, you think we let them have the good stuff?” he asks with a strong note of sarcasm.

“I still wouldn’t really want to tangle with them,” I offer.

“You don’t know how the world works! You don’t know ex-top KGB agents like I do. I worked on a movie with Jean Clause Van-Damme! You don’t know what goes on behind the scenes. You know nothing.”

Behind the scenes of what, world espionage or film making? Maybe I’m in a movie right now, or some kind of candid camera reality TV Show. Super Hottie wriggles in my lap ... so maybe that’s why she’s sitting there.

I’m actually getting excited to hear what’s going to come out of his mouth next … which is the fact that he’s also a krav-maga expert, and went through the course with the ultimate master faster than anyone in history.

I’m dead serious when I say this, I’m going out of my way not to insult this guy, not necessarily because I believe a word that's coming out of his mouth, but because he has the ego that would love the opportunity to prove itself if met with anything but rose petals laid before its feet.

“Wow, that’s very impressive,” I reply, hoping we arrive at our destination, and quickly.

“Fuck this traffic, maybe you should just drop me off at Nana Plaza, and I’ll pick-up a girl,” he states with frustration, then adding,“You know I’ve probably boom-boomed 2,000 girls in the last six years I’ve lived here,” he offers, “I’ve gone through so much money.”

I’m not that uncomfortable, I’m playing along, but I am glad when we finally pass the road block (an accident) and speed to our destination.

The six of us sit around a table, me as far away his Highness as possible. Course after course of Thai Food arrive at 3:30 AM, the majority of it being consumed by the King. Beef, a whole crab, pork, soup, and an entire fish, he downs it all, the rest of us nibbling like mice in comparison. The food’s absolutely delectable, and I imagine the bill at this late hour will be too.

At last finished with his feast, the King lets out a contented sigh and speaks in surprisingly good Thai, which I translated as, “The food was excellent, and I’m full. Now let’s talk about how great I am.”

Super Hottie looks at him, and says, with a straight face, but obviously kidding, “I don’t like it when foreigners speak in Thai.”

And the King takes it in and absorbs the statement, his face grows red with anger. Disrespect in his court. Oh fuck, please don’t strike her …

The King’s body convulses. “I need to speak Thai dammit!” stupidity and ego clouding the obvious, that if she didn’t mean it as a joke then she has her own problems. “I have a Thai daughter, and I need to speak Thai to her! … I don’t like the fact that you said that …” his face becoming swollen with red anger, “In fact, I don’t even want to be here anywhere near you! I’m leaving!”

And he gets up, and storms away, leaving everyone at the table in speechless.

“I was joking,” she explains, needlessly defending herself as everyone else already understood, only one us the least bit annoyed by the ramifications of her actions.

 “Why are you shaking your head?” Supper Hottie asks me.

“Couldn’t you have at least waited til he chipped in for the bill?”