A Nearly Fact Free History of Petra, Jordan

The magnificent treasury of Petra

While standing spellbound in absolute awe, a guide approaches and offers to give me a full historical account of Petra; I counter that I am far more interested in locating Pharaoh's treasure, which is why, the best I can offer you, history wise is …

A Nearly Fact Free History of Petra
The Treasury is carved directly into the limestone rock, and received its name because it was rumored that an Egyptian Pharaoh had hidden his wealth inside.

Petra, which means “rock” in Ancient Greek (fitting as the entire civilization was chiseled out of limestone cliffs) was founded by a nomadic people called the Nabataeans only days after the Big Bang, or to be more exact,  a long time ago (which ever comes first) and existed until a major Japanese style earthquake destroyed their nuclear reactor which lead to a mass exodus of Nabataeans out of the mountains. Petra stood empty, until being rediscovered in 1989 by the famed swashbuckling archaeologist, Indiana Jones, (Source: the documentary “Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade,”)  where we learned that Petra was the last known resting place of the Holy Grail. Ending up in the safe arms of Indy, he successfully hid the sacred vessel in Peru until 2008, when the vengeful Steven Spielberg and George Lucas finally tracked him down and repeatedly raped poor Indy in retaliation for his hording of the relic, even having the temerity to film their heinous crime for the whole world to see (Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of Crystal Skull)   … God dammit, Aliens DO NOT belong in an Indiana Jones movie! And how the hell do you survive a nuclear blast by hiding in a refrigerator?!  You deserved so much better Indy! Thankfully, Spielberg and Lucas were arrested for their monstrous crime (source: South Park season 12 episode 8.) and are serving the rest of their lives in a federal penitentiary. 

Nevertheless, Petra is WELL worth the visit! Superior to see than the pyramids, and quite an adventure ...