Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Welcome to France … I Mean-Canaduh

I get ready to board my Montreal bound plane from Philadephia when someone mentions we need a visa to get into Canada.
“As a citizen of the USA why should I need a visa?!" I ask with absolute outrage, "Canaduh is an American colony for Christ’s sake!”
Unsurprisingly, being the gospel of truth I am, this statement bears out; I swear to you, the U.S. has customs officials in our Canadian airports, and when the American immigration officer began getting a little overly inquisitive, I calmed his fears by proving my patriotism to our great land, telling him how much I enjoyed seeing our customs officials overseeing America Jr.

I walk into our colony only to discover I must have taken the wrong plane, I have landed in Europe; France to be specific. Everyone here speaks French, some people don’t understand English, or at least pretend not to, as per the French custom.

I momentarily think of boarding a plane to Canada proper, then decide to exit out into the frigid winter air, deciding to bear the 45% probability that I freeze to death upon exposure to the elements. The pre-requisite to settle these frigid lands must have been as follows, lots of heart, zero brains; that's how the country's name was derived; Canaduh.

(I guess I'm not the first person to come up with this theory)

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