SEX AND DRUGS- In Amsterdan

architecture typical of Amsterdan

SEX AND DRUGS- In Amsterdan

When we last left our hero, the prosecuting attorner (PA) was cross examining him about drugs.

PA: “You think you sound good Mr. Birecki, claiming the Dutch are down to earth. That they are environmental stewards, and that they are ohhhh so advanced … but what about the drugs Mr. Birecki? Hmmmm … did you inhale?”

RB: “Yes, let’s DO talk about drugs, America, and the current state of the world affairs. First of all, marijuana and hasish is openly sold in Coffee Shops in the Netherlands. While it is not technically legal, it is what the Dutch call, “backdoor legal,” as sellers and growers pay taxes to the government that in the US go straight into the pockets of criminals.”
PA: “All coffee shops sell pot?”

Smokey's coffee shop in Rembrandt Square

RB: “There is a distinction in Holland between cafes and coffee shops. Cafes are places that sell coffee, pastries, sandwiches, etc etc. Coffee shops sell all this stuff, but also marijuana. I'll give you one guess were a majority of their profits come from.”
PA: “So did you inhale?”

the pot counter in Amsterdan coffee shop

Silence from the witness.

PA: “Mr. Birecki, may I remind you are under oath. Just because you believe this might cost you the Presidency one day, does not give you permission to dodge the question.”

RB starts to laugh.

RB: “Look, I really don’t understand why everybody considers it a big deal. Yeah, I have tried pot a couple times in my life, just a couple puffs in college, and when I first moved out to LA, and once with my ex who insisted that this would be the puff where I would actually feel the “glowing effects marijuana offers.” Frankly, it does nothing for me. I was in Amsterdan, I actually smoked an entire joint thinking that might change. All it did was make me just slightly spacey. I have NO CLUE why anyone would actually pay good money for it. To me it’s ridiculous.”
PA: “You’re just covering your tracks here to appeal to more conservative voters.”
RB: “Not at all! Let me appeal to the libertarians for a moment. What do I care what someone does in their private life. If someone wants to douse their brain in chemicals, that’s your right. As long as it doesn’t have a negative effect on other people, it’s no business of mine. I say legalize it all. Pot, heroin, cocaine—
PA: “How can you say that?? What about all the innocent children who would be adversely affected by their parents drug use? The lack of productivity at work because of increased usage?”
RB: “What about everyone who is already suffering from this? Look, the basis for legalization is very very simple. Assuming we legalize, the number of new users generated who currently shy away from narcotics because of prohibition, and I’m sure there would be some but not nearly as many as some people believe; whatever new suffering is created would be minuscule compared to the amount of energy and resources society expends on locking away users and dealers. And worse yet, prison essentially serves as Criminal University. Rather than being rehabilitative, they usually harden small time crooks and dealers into career felons, creating more misery for everyone. Now let’s talk about resources. The DEA has a budget of 20 billion dollars per year, and God only knows how much taxpayer money goes in the form of scholarships to Criminal U, to "re-educate" people who are usually merely seeking some sort of escape, or on the flip side, a way to augment their income by meeting the market demand.”
PA: “Most users don’t get thrown into jail for using, it’s because they committed some crime to get drugs.”

hope they aren't over-promising and under delivering. Such typical Aussies :)

RB: “And that is my point, if it were legal they likely wouldn’t have to, and the dope they would get would be pure, not tainted with cheap rat poison in the case of cocaine, or lead which raises the weight of marijuana. Not to mention, instead of the fifty + billion society SPENDS on this problem, the government could actually EARN money by taxing it. You want the funds to pay for Universal healthcare; legalize drugs.”

PA: “It’s not that simple.”
RB: “Says who? Look what is happening South of the border. Criminals are now running Mexico. Why? The market demands narcotics, and because it is illegal, people like me aren’t going to be selling it, but these people will. Mexico is actively being destroyed by increasingly well financed, well armed, and terrorist like cartels. Thousands of people have died, many more have gone missing, and the entire border region lives in a state of fear as to who is next. Meanwhile the price of drugs on the street is at an all time low. Not because demand is down, but because there is a glut of narcotics on the market, meaning our “drug enforcement” and all the funds we spend on it are extremely ineffective. We tried prohibition with alcohol and that essentially created the American Mafia. My entire life all drugs except tobacco and alcohol have been illegal, so people assume that’s just the way it is. Why? Prohibition of what the public wants simply is proven not to work.”
PA: “And what about the moral issues of drug use? Hmmm … We are giving people permission to kill themselves?”
RB: “Look, I don’t want people to do drugs, I don’t want anyone to kill themselves, but unless something affects others adversely, like drunk driving for which there should be SEVERE consequences, it’s not my right to tell people what they can and can’t do. Do you realize there used to anti-gay statutes on the books in the South where they could lock you away for sodomy? I mean, what do I care if someone putts from the rough. Frankly, this legalization for me is much more a pragmatic, economic issue than a moral one. And let me tell you, if any of you can counter my arguments here, I am all ears. I want to hear it! I dare you … I double dare you …

Rich gazes around the throngs of now quiet watchers.
RB: “That’s what I thought.”
Judge: “We are here to discuss the Netherlands. If I have to remind you again, you’ll be a guest of the county jail for the next thirty days Mr. Birecki, or is that also a waste of funds and resources?”
RB: “Your honor, the fact that Holland is on its way to legalization is merely another example of why I believe Holland to be the Most Advanced Country In The World. They are more pragmatic. Additionally, prostitution is completely legal. Another victimless crime that right wing Christians in the United States decry. You want to lock up some poor girl who feels she has no other option than to sell her body? Why, who’s getting hurt?”
PA: “So how was the red-light district?”

Red light above the door means open for "business"

RB: “Interesting. These girls, usually Eastern European I am told, rent out booths, and each booth has a little red light over it when a girl is available. Hundreds of booths with glass windows, and women hawking their own personal wares, rapping on the glass to get your attention as you walk by. If you want transsexuals, I am told the light is purple, but I didn’t see any of those. It’s right out in the open. The first time I saw it took some getting adjusted to. You walk by, girls in skimpy clothes inviting you in, and this wasn’t, technically, the red light district. I poked my head in. ‘Is this the red light district,’ I asked. ‘No,’ replied the girl in a Russian accent. ‘Is this the same thing as the Red Light District?’ ‘Would you like to find out?’ she answered, dropping her shoulder suggestively. I actually went out to the Red Light District that same evening. I found it fascinating.”

PA: “So did you partake in the pleasantries?”
RB: “This one girl, very hot, stage name Elena raps on her window. I go over. I’m curious, I’m talking to her for a few minutes. Her false façade of invitation wore off very quickly. I could feel so much anger and hurt inside her. I said goodbye, turned to leave, and she blisteringly, without elevating her voice, which made it more scary to me, tells me I wasted her time and that I’m obviously impotent.”
PA: “What did you say?”
RB: “Well first of all she’s Russian, so it’s not completely out of character.”
PA: “More bagging on Russia.”
RB: “You obviously haven’t been there … How could an insult like that trigger anything in me. It’s so ridiculous and out of context. An insult can only can only affect you if somewhere inside yourself you believe that it’s true. I am positive she expected and wanted me to react, this was her pain-body (Eckhart Tolle- Power Of Now) seeking some sort of fuel. I turned around, and very calmly and loving asked her why she felt that. She only got more hostile. And again, with warmth and love, recognizing how she was feeling had zero to do with me, I sincerely wished her good luck. She didn’t know how to take it, because a part of her realized I was completely open and loving, so her ego and pain-body stalled for a moment, before she replied with great venom, “I don’t need luck!” That was the end of my red light experience.”
PA: “Aren’t many of these girls with the so called freedom to choose owned by the Russian Mafia with no choice but to be there selling themselves.”
RB: “I have heard that, yeah, some of them I am sure.”
PA: “And yet, you are in favor of this? Keeping the Red Light District open?”
RB: “It’s going to happen anyways, better to be open about it, and the Dutch are. They aren’t hiding behind some idiotic moral pretense to try to keep people doing what people are going to do anyways. Nope, they make money off it. Freedom to choose man.”

The Prosecutor circles RB like a shark. He can’t find any blood in the water.

PA: “So you talked a lot about Amsterdan here, but much as you cannot judge the United states based on Las Vegas, there must be a lot more to the country?”
RB: “I gotta tell you, I liked the countryside, much more than Amsterdan.”

Tomorrow: Did Rich really go cow tipping? And what happened when he managed to shut down an entire dairy farm because of a pinpoint throw of a baseball that even surprised him? (but at least he won a bet)

Click here for part III (and end to discussion) - Zaan Daam, Alkmaar + the Beach

Going Dutch ALL THE WAY (Why The Netherlands is world's most forward thinking country)

a statue of Rembrandt in Rembrandt square

PART ONE

INT COURTOOM-- Security is tighter than we have ever seen. Flags of over two hundred countries are being waved amongst the large crowd.

Judge: “Order! Order! I will have no more outbursts in this court! The next person to object to the expert testimony of Mr. Birecki will be held in contempt!”
*Silence*
Pleased with his power over his charged courtroom, the judge turned to the prosecuting attorney, “You may proceed—“
Unable to contain himself, Ultra Russian nationalist Peter Voychinsky rose, yelling with utterly misplaced patriotic fervor, “Mother Russia should be considered the greatest in the world; the most advanced; and with the friendliest persons!” He stomped his foot down after each semi-colon, emphasizing his points. The courtroom remained silent, in disbelief of what they just heard. Appearing from thin air, men in white uniforms swooped upon him, pinning Voychinsky to the ground, applying a strait-jacket and dragging away this obviously completely insane man who kept proudly yelling, “Rusko! Rusko! Rusko!” …
With order once again restored, the judge turned to the prosecuting attorney. “You may proceed.”
PA: “So, you contend that Holland, is the most advanced country in the world. Would you care to tell why you would make such a traitorous statement?”
French Defense Attorney: “Objection your honor! This buffoon of an American prosecutor is attempting to intimidate this buffoon of a witness! We aren’t here to establish whether this American is a traitor, we are here to establish that Francia is the world’s most advanced!”
RB: “And that French people are the friendliest.”

Frenchie: “Be quiet you buffoon, you idiotic simpleton American—
RB: “You’re fired Frenchie, I’ll take it from here!”
As Frenchie is dragged out of the courtroom he yells: “Idiot! You American swine! You capitalist pig George Bush voting redneck!"—
RB: “I’ll represent myself your honor. Look, the Netherlands is a really wonderful country, for many reasons.”
PA: “Aha! This case is closed! You were testifying on behalf of Holland!” (PA turns to the audience) “He doesn’t even know what country he is talking about. So much for our ‘Expert witness.’”
RB: “Actually, the Netherlands is more commonly referred to as Holland, and its people are called “The Dutch.”
PA: “And why would such an ‘advanced country’ feel the need to be known by so many different names?”
RB: “probably to confuse the Russians and the French from ever finding them on the map and visiting.”
*A murmur of approval through the audience*

at the tulip market, Amsterdan

RB: “I arrived in Amsterdan and was a little dismayed by the price of a taxi. $55 to drive like 10 miles. When I got to my hotel room, which was like $100, my pet gopher told me he was going to go search for a hallway closet that was bigger.”
PA: “Looking at these pictures of your room, I doubt he found it difficult. It also says in my notes you complained about the shower?”
RB: “A sadist designed the fucking thing. I mean, its floor was curved upwards making it impossible to stand up without leaning against the wall for support. Literally, my body was outstretched, at a 60 degree angle to the ground, at minimum one hand pressed against the wall for support the entire time I was in the shower. I think my gopher had it right.”
Judge: “Do I need to remind you that you are testifying on behalf of the Netherlands?”
RB: “No sir, those were the only things I didn’t like. There was a whole lot more I loved.”
Judge: “Such as?”

one of about ten such bike racks near Central Station

RB: “Well first of all, everyone in Amsterdan bicycles. Everyone. There are many many many more bikes on the road than there are cars. The entire city is like a college campus in that respect. Secondly, public transport there is superb. They have trams that will take you anywhere in the city for like $5, and if you wish to go further, the train system is superb, and inexpensive, at least compared to taxis. I didn’t take another cab ride the entire time I was in Holland.”

PA: “So you found the Dutch to be good environmental stewards?”
RB: “God yes. In addition to the bicycles and awesome public transport system, everywhere you go there are wind farms; big turbines spinning around generating clean electricity, day and night. Plus paper and plastic bags at the store cost a quarter each, giving people incentives to re-use. To top it off, every bottle you buy has a thirty cent deposit fee on it, thus almost everyone recycles."
PA: “Thirty cents?”
RB: “Next time I go to Holland, my baggage will be stuffed with nothing but golden, plastic bottles.”
PA: “How very noble of you. What did you see there that you really liked?”

one of Amsterdan's numerous canals

RB: “My first stop was the Van Gogh museum. I am no art afficianado, and I usually go to museums because it is the thing to do I guess, but Van Gogh is really the only artist who simply blows me away. His artwork is so beautiful, a style of his own, a true pioneer. He paints with such feeling. I kind just stood there, speechless, gazing at his works. Van Gogh might be one of the few artists I have seen who draws beyond form, into depths I have not seen in any other paintings.”
PA: “Are you claiming Van Gogh to be the greatest artist the world has ever seen?”
RB: “Of those I have seen, definitely.”
PA: “What else did you see that impressed you?”
RB: “The Anne Frank house. I actually was surprised by my emotional reaction to the place. When you read and see a first hand account of what took place during the holocaust, and this is little twelve year old girl is hiding in this house with her whole family, eating and moving around like a mouse, in continual fear of being discovered by the Nazis, while most girls her age are outside picking tulips in the spring, hoping to get her first kiss from a boy, it's very easy to identify with her, and understand the terror that she lived every moment for years before someone betrayed the family. Only her father survived the concentration camps. It is a testament both to her father, and the Dutch as people that this house, which was at one time condemned and shortly destined to be torn down, still stands. Much like the Killing Fields of Cambodia, and the slave dungeons of Ghana, this place stands as a testament to how deeply egoic and unconscious mankind can be. It is my hope that as people visit the Anne Frank house, as it might serve as a reminder of the evils man is capable of, not only so that it becomes much less likely that such atrocities will take place again, but so it will help quicken the pace of the individual visitor’s, and thus mankind’s, collective consciousness.”
PA: “You confuse me.”
RB: “Sorry about that, what I mean by consciousness—
PA: “No, did you identify with Anne Frank desire to pick tulips in the fields, or your own first kiss from a boy?”
A long beat.
RB: “You really should visit the Anne Frank House sir.”
*PA walks around the courtroom, trying to get a new angle into his inquisition.*
PA: “What are the Dutch like as people?”
RB: “TALL. I mean, I am not short in America, I am average size. Here I was short. The average height of a young man is like 6’ 2”. You regularly see guys who are 6’ 5” +. I don’t think it says much about their innate athletic that they don’t dominate the basketball courts. My ex-girlfriend was from Europe and 5’ 11,” I thought this was a rarity until I visited Holland, where half the girls stand 5’8” +.”
PA: “Why are they so tall?”
RB: “I point blank asked about five Dutch men this question. ‘How are you guys all so tall?’ No one knew, although the common theory is that they consume a lot of dairy products.”
PA: “It’s steroids, the Dutch all take steroids right?”
RB: “Look, I really don’t know, but I have never felt short before I went to the Netherlands. Furthermore, the girls there, oh my God. I mean, we have some stunners in Los Angeles because the opportunity to get into show business draws them from all corners of the earth like a magnet, but geesus, the majority of girls in Holland were like, ‘Yowser!’ I mean, I was on the train the second to last day, and this blond girl sits down next to me, six foot, supermodel like gorgeous. I start talking with her, tell her how pretty she is, and she doesn’t think she’s anything special in the looks department. She is totally down to earth, and super sweet, and kind. In Los Angeles, where things are more superficially oriented, most girls who look like that have a chip on their shoulder, from their own egoic desire to become famous, to the horrendous treatment of men who treat them like trophies, etc etc. In Holland, this would be the exception. You can go there expecting that since the hotties in LA might be not all be genuine that it would apply here, but it doesn't."
PA: "I bet with all that dairy they were fat."
RB: "God no! I mean, these people are fit. Unlike America, where in the South 35% of people are clinically obese, the number of fatties I saw there was exceptionally low. Americans are so used to ruling the world, I just don't know how the hell it's possible as bad as our education system has become, how grossly obese we are becoming as a society, and all the resources we spend on war. I hate to say it, cause I love America, but we are on the decline."

*The American prosecutor glares in at Rich, unable to hide his animosity towards him for his last statement*
PA: “You think you sound sooooo good Mr. Birecki, claiming the Dutch are down to earth. That they are environmental stewards, and that they are ohhhh so advanced … but what about the drugs Mr. Birecki? What about the rampant drug use through its society. Crackheads and potheads out at all hours of the night dirtying the city. And what you? Hmmmm … did you inhale?”

Click here for part II of this discussion- Sex + Drugs in Amsterdan

Tomorrow-- will Rich admit in open court what would cost him the Presidency?