Sunday, August 28, 2016

Naples- Birthplace of Pornography and Pizza

main square of Naples
Southern Italy- The City of Naples

On the narrow, busy Medieval streets of Naples, motorbikes and scooters frequently pass pedestrians with mere inches of clearance. Citizens are expected to walk in a straight line at all times or risk being smashed. Believe me, if you foolishly decide to suddenly veer more than 5 degrees in any direction, your most likely outcome is having an irate Italian motorist yelling at the foot of your hospital bed about the dent in his vehicle.
It's shocking at first, but something you'll have to quickly get used to or be neurologically damaged for life.

Video: a taste and feel of Naples, Italy

Naples Claims to Fame
Pizza- invented in Naples! Really it just amounts to bragging rights and acts as a touristic draw ("The birthplace of pizza, I've gotta have a slice there!")
And in fairness, the pizza is better here than I had elsewhere in Italy- Pizzeria Gino Sobrillo being the most famous and designated by the locals as "primo." A 40 minute line snakes around it all hours of the day.
A second item for which the Southern Italian city is famous- Neapolitan ice cream. The genius who arranged strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla in the same carton holding the same iconic status in Italian society as Ferrari, Lamborghini, and Mussolini.

Video: hustle and bustle n the streets of Naples

The following images were shot in the must see of Naples- the Museum of Archaeology taken from the city of Pompeii. Don't worry, we'll get to ancient Italian porn in a moment ...
beautiful fresco from ancient Pompeii
beautiful fresco from ancient Pompeii
It has been theorized that Pompeii was once built on the coast and was a fishing town, as evidenced below by the fresco depicting all the fish one could catch off the Italian Coast. Today the ruins lie over 2km from the sea. The thought is the eruption of Mount Vesuvius created a greater area of land as the volcanic sediment dried. 
all the fish you could catch off the coast in the times of Pompeii
all the fish you could catch off the coast in the times of Pompeii

a rare portrait from Pompeii-

what people actually looked like around the time of Christ

And, perhaps most famously, Naples, or rather her ancient sister city of Pompeii are also credited with the invention of pornography!
if you think these are ancient candles, guess again

Shocked? You're not the only one. Pompeii's treasure trove of pornography, (more classically known in scientific circles as a "porn stash") brought great shame to the Catholic Church as the current Pope was running on the slogan. "Make Italy great again," and discovering the lecherous ways and thoughts of the ancients didn't really align with the idea that, if only we could model the principles of the "wise men" of yesteryear, all the problems of modern society would be solved. 
Sound familiar? Trust me, Trump is not the only politician in the world attempting to gain favor with such regressive ideas. Be wary of people who pine for the past. The world, despite its problems, has never been a better place for humans to live. 

Especially problematic was the statue of the Roman God Pan having sex with a goat. It was a big let down for Pope Trump and decimating to his campaign. (which it turns out he ultimately won ... )
the Greek God Pan having sex with a goat

At first thoughts were to destroy the evidence, but the church found their plans thwarted by the Indiana Jones and Pervert Lobbies, so a compromise was reached to allow access to the porn stash art collection only to the cognoscenti, the most erudite of society known to be of the "highest moral character," or whomever was willing to pay enough to see such titillating images. 
When they saw the money flowing into church coffers someone suggested putting them on the Internet, but after several days of research, they realized the Internet had not yet been invented. 
Nevertheless, I am fulfilling the dreams of these ancient pornographers, making such images available on the interweb for the first time ever.  
what I notice most prominently are the cheering, amazing
posture of the figurines. 

everyone appreciates boobs
everyone appreciates boobs

taken from a brothel
original Viagra ad
original Viagra ad

Pompeii brothel point to the position you want
likely taken from a Pompeii brothel
point to the position you want

Naples- the birthplace of porn. Hope you enjoyed :) 


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